An Update

Yep, I am still alive. No good reason for the absence really, just life got in the way and I just haven't felt the desire to post about it. I have been pretty stressed the last month and worrying a lot about a few things. I tend to retreat a bit when big stuff comes up.

First things first though. I am a horrible older sister. I neglected to send Gus a birthday card or to even give him a phone call on his big day. I apologize Gus. You are a great younger brother and I am a slacker older sister. I love you and hope you had a great day. Maybe one of these days I can make it up to you.

I have been pretty stressed about what to do with the girls this summer. One of the hardest part about being a working mom is not being able to be there for my girls. I really miss hanging out with them and being there to drive them to activities they want to participate in, make them cookies, do crafts with them, etc. I'm afraid that they are going to have a pretty boring summer. I guess I will just have to get creative. They are in swimming lessons this summer. I have been bad about not making it a priority to get them into swimming lessons. Since I will be out of work for two weeks (I will cover that later) I arranged for them to have swimming lessons where we will actually be available to drive them all of the days except for 1 or 2.

Martin graduated from college in May. We didn't have a celebration or anything, but we probably should have. It is nice to have him done. Now for the job hunt. There aren't very many IT jobs around Willcox, so he will probably have to find something different until we are financially able to move someplace bigger.

Now for my news. I'm not sure why I haven't shared this before. It is kind of silly actually. I'm just really nervous and stressed out about it. I am having surgery tomorrow. I have some sort of a cyst growing in the last bone on my right thumb.

Around April 13th I noticed that my right thumb was a bit swollen and that the joint was kind of achy. Thinking back I realized that the joint had been achy for a little while. I'm not sure when the swelling actually started.

On Friday, April 17th I was getting stuff ready to go to the scrapbook convention. I was getting ready to fill my pill container to get it ready to go. I used my right thumb to try to open the little door to the container. As I pulled on it, I felt and heard a little pop in my thumb and it hurt really bad. It was so tender to the touch, that I couldn't even rest it on my leg without it hurting. It took gritting my teeth to even turn the key in my car.

I went to the scrapbook convention but it hurt the entire time. It is pretty hard to scrapbook without the thumb on your dominant hand. I also had a rough time buttoning my pants or doing anything with it.

On Monday, the 20th, I called the dr. and made an appointment for the next day At my appointment the dr. took at x-ray. On the x-ray we could see the tip of my thumb bone and most of the rest of the bones, but just down from the tip there was an oval looking mass. The dr. said that she wanted me to get an MRI as soon as possible because she really didn't have an idea of what the mass might be.

My insurance is pretty crappy and like most insurances I have to get pre-approval for any MRI's that do not involve the head. It took the insurance company two weeks to get the approval for me to do it. My MRI was on May 6th. The lady who conducted the MRI said that my dr. would have the results along with a report from the radiologist in three to four days.

On Monday, May 11th my dr. called me on my cell phone to let me know that she had the results of the MRI. She said that she was really concerned because the mass looked like it had grown and there was a fracture in the tip of my thumb bone. She had already called a hand specialist in Tucson and made me an appointment for the next day. She said that I would be going in for a biopsy and for him to make plans with me for surgery.

On Tuesday, the 12th, I saw that hand specialist. He took another x-ray and explained to me that the mass is growing in the bone at the tip of my thumb. We don't know what has caused it and we won't know until we get in there to see what is actually in the mass. It will most likely be one of three things. The mass has grown so much that the bone is pretty much the consistency and thickness of an egg shell. He gave me a plastic brace type thing and scheduled my surgery for May 20th.

On May 19th the hospital called me to go over my medical history and to verify the medications that I am on. Come to find out, one of the meds that I have been taking, I can't have anesthesia while taking. I'm very angry and upset that the dr. and his scheduler did not look at the paperwork that I filled out on the 12th to see which medications I was taking. To me it seems that would be their job to make sure that any meds would not react poorly during surgery. It isn't like I withheld that information. I wrote it down on the paper. They just didn't take the time to look at it, or ask me what medications I was taking.

So, I had to be off the meds for two weeks before I could have the surgery. I'm nervous, angry, and scared. The will have to send the mass off to get a biopsy done. The doctor said that it is very, very, very rare that there be cancer in the last bone on any of the digits, but that it has happened before so he can't say that it has never happened.

During the surgery they will have to take off my thumb nail and cut my nail bed and go into the bone that way. Because of the way that the nerves and things are in the thumb, they have to go in that way. Once they get in there they will take a bit of whatever is in there and send it to the pathologists. They will take a look at it and see if they think it might be cancer. The doctor said that in most cases they can tell if it may be cancerous or not. If it looks like cancer, they will stitch me back up and send the tissue off for the biopsy before we decide on the next step. If it does not look like cancer they will clean out the bone. Because that bone is so thin and brittle, they will have to take some bone from my wrist area to pack inside the bone in my thumb. They will putty it all together and hope that the bone will regrow enough for everything to heal completely. I might also have to have pins in the thumb so that I won't be able to move that last knuckle. Once my bone regrows they will be able to pull the pins back out, but I might not have much bend in that knuckle.

It seems weird that this is all just about a thumb. I never thought that if I had to have another surgery, it would be my thumb. But here it is. I meet my insurance deductable for the year because of my thumb. At least the detuctable has been met. Now I just have to worry about finishing the paying of all of the bills that got me there.

So, tomorrow is the big day. Martin and I have to be at the hospital by 10. The surgery is at noon and will take anywhere from 1 to 1 1/2 hours. The girls have a place to stay and will be taken to their swimming lessons. We have meals being brought to us on Wednesday and Thursday. I'm taking two weeks off of work. I'm sure things will be alright, but I'm so stinking nervous.

Having a month to worry about the surgery has not helped with my little silly thoughts that I have. My worries might sound kind of silly to others, about after the surgery, but here are some of the things that have me worried. I am so uncordinated when it comes to my left hand. How am I going to eat or do other normal every day things. I mentioned to Martin a few days back that I'm trying to figure out how I am going to wipe. I am a right hand wiper. Martin probably thinks that I am pretty strange and worry about the craziest things.

My biggest concern is that when I am stressed, bored, sad, or any other emotion, I have a nervous habit in that I have to be doing something with my hands. Typing and crafting are two things that really help me to destress, but since this is my right hand, I can't really do either of those things effectively. I don't know what I am going to do. I have a huge stack of books in my too be read pile. That might help a bit. But I just don't know what to do about the need to do something with my hands. I'm sure I will figure it out, but it is stressing me out right now. If anyone has ideas, I could sure use some.

Well, I guess I need to finish this one up. I need to get ready to go to a conference for work. I got my hair chopped off on Friday so that it would be easier to care for after my surgery. I need to go and see if I can make it look presentable for the conference. I'm not yet used to doing it so it takes me longer.

Have a great day everyone!